Dear Hildie:

 

Or I could send you Yanqui, Yanqui, about a man who goes to an island nation in the Caribbean that’s in the throes of revolution, to find something hidden there years before by his client. Might be apropos for your two sons in the Mexican jail.

 

Happy 2016!

Love,

M

Dec. 30, 2015

 

Dear Hildie:

This cold’s got me down. But I’ll recover. Just got my blood panel back. Everything’s fine but the cholesterol, which I’ve never previously had a problem with. But since I didn’t know I was going to have to have blood work, I didn’t fast, and I’ve been eating a lot of fatty food lately over the holidays.

 

I continue to read THE WORK OF THE DEAD, about burial practices; it’s a fine book, but I wish the PC author (from UC Berkeley) didn’t feel compelled to use only the feminine pronoun for impersonal references, such as, “If a person were to stand in that spot, she would see…” I find this very aggravating. If you really are that offended by the male pronoun, use “they.”

 

Take care. Happy New Year, as this is the last letter you’ll get from me in 2015! My regards to the incarcerated,

 

Love,

M

 

 

 

Dear Hildie:

Okay, so what should I send Riley and Murphy to read? You liked my THE CRIMES OF ARTEMUS KEEL, the picaresque story of the blind gambler’s jaunt through the US in 1951. But how about THE TEMPORARY SCHOLAR, about a professor recovering from schizophrenia who is hired by the worst little college in the South, a college so bad people who uphold academic standards are getting murdered? Oh, and the professor has an imaginary friend, the Friar, a Dominican friar from the sixteenth century whose life he studied and who now won’t go away. And there are others.

 

Let me know.

 

Love,

M

 

 

Dec 28, 2015

Dear Hildie:

 

I should’ve told you to have Murphy bring Riley Taiwanese tools instead of American-made ones. Jailers love Taiwanese tools because the bolt cutters break and the files and hacksaw blades just saw away  all day without doing any damage and keep the prisoners busy. Can Murphy claim he thought the prison was an agricultural cop-op or something? I’d get a good Mexican lawyer at this point.

 

Otherwise, I hope you had a good Xmas!

 

Love,

M

Dec. 23, 2015

 

Dear Hildie:

 

It had been my thought to drop by this afternoon, but a client e-mailed me with a request for a conference call between 3 and 4:30.

 

I’ll get by tomorrow, looks like.

 

I’m taking the crew to Chelsea’s for a farewell (to Chelsea’s, which is shutting down) and a Christmas lunch in a few minutes.

 

Dr. A asked me yesterday how long I was going to put off surgery for my knee. The answer is, “As long as I can.” But it’s getting close. Walking’s a chore these days, and I used to love to walk. Ah, you may have been right last year—I may not last until Xmas! But I shall come back to haunt you.

 

“I am the ghost of mischief past!”

 

Anything more from Murphy in durance vile?

 

Take care.

Love,

M

 

 

 

December 22, 2015

 

Dear Hildie:

 

The obsequies for my friend fortunately only held one reference to his “looking down on us.” I can’t stand those sentimentalistic statements. Even people who should’ve known better indulged in them at Haag’s memorial. He would’ve laughed at them. And, of course, the homilist read 2 Timothy: “I have fought the good fight.” No mention that scholars almost universally feel that Paul never wrote it because of anachronisms in the text. Frankly, though, it does sound a bit like Paul—Self-congratulatory, boasting, all about himself. Paul was a perfectly disgusting little man. How Christians can admire him I don’t understand. Here was a man who was jealous of those who’d actually known Jesus and insisted his hallucination was just as valid as their years of acquaintance with Jesus.

 

Enough grumbling for now.

 

Love,

M

 

Dear Hildie:

Well, I have trouble keeping up with your sons. I mean, I knew Murphy had gotten out and I was aware that Riley had gotten in. They must like Mexico a lot. Of course, Murphy was always the ambitious one. Was Riley just doing what Murphy told him (with the contraband, I mean?). I don’t know if you should go down to visit him for Xmas or not, especially since it means you couldn’t go with Murphy, since he’s afraid they’ll recognize him. Maybe he should’ve gotten a better Mexican lawyer.

Take care. If you get picked up yourself, don’t hesitate to let me know (though letters travel slowly down there). I’ll send you some books to read. Maybe my latest, THE RIPPER WALTZ.

 

Love,

M

Dec. 17, 2015

 

Dear Hildie:

I don’t know what to say about your son, Riley. I think paying for a helicopter and crew, plus an escape plan, would be very expensive. It might be cheaper just to bribe a guard. Are you sure he doesn’t like it there, though? I mean, if he plays his cards right he can come out with a useful skill, like weaving hammocks. Or you could try to get a message to El Chapo to spring him, but that wouldn’t be cheap, either. How about a letter to the interior ministry explaining it was all just a mistake?

 

Take care.

 

Love,

M

Dec. 16, 2015

 

Dear Hildie:

 

I called to visit my friend yesterday and was told he was no longer able to receive visitors because now he sleeps all the time. It won’t be long, I’m afraid. That’s going to be like having a big piece torn out of my world.

The post office continues to render exemplary service. The mail comes at dark; I get my neighbor’s mail; I send an Xmas card to somebody in Georgia and I get it back with the notation that they’ve moved to Mississippi, with the new address  printed on  it—instead of its being forwarded, which is what I paid money for. And nowadays when you mail something using the machine at the post office, they make you enter the address manually, because they’re too damned lazy to do it themselves. Or maybe they just can’t read. That’s when the machine works. I watched a poor fellow try to mail a package yesterday and it wouldn’t take any of his credit cards. Half the time it won’t print stamps, and I’ve gotten several sheets with the sheetlets cut in two, giving me half-stamps. Ben Franklin would die if he saw how this once proud service has deteriorated. Of course, I know the real problem is Congress—Isn ‘t that the problem with most of what’s gone bad? The only native-born criminal class, as Twain said.

 

Well, I see I haven’t said anything positive in this letter. Sorry. I’m not feeling very positive right now.

Take care (of the bill collectors),

Love,

M

Dec. 15, 2015

 

 

Dear Hildie:

 

I know what you mean about getting tired of process servers, etc. That’s why we put a call block on our phone. One 800 number has called us twice a day for four months. But now, with the block, they just ring once and then get disconnected.

 

Damn. I submit a proposal and then the client wants to downsize it. Just part of the game but tiring.

 

Oh, well, more of the grind.

 

Love,

 

M