Long and short lists

Dec. 3, 2015


Dear Hildie:


You aren’t the only one who gets mail late. For the last few months they’ve been coming around 5 to 7 p.m. Last night the mail person was wearing a headlamp! Another thing, brought on my being PC and saying “mail person.” Why do the news people insult all us long-maligned males by saying “gunman” and “manhunt,” as with the case of the San Berdoo shootings yesterday? I demand they be more respectful of my gender! Of course, they can’t help it, being linguistically challenged. “A shootout with a black SUV.” Really? Was the SUV spitting bullets? That reminds me of another practice the illiterate press seems to employ: “Both of the two men were not involved.” My God! Could anything be more awkwardly phrased? Where did these people go to school? By the way, I note an amusing tendency among publishers these days. They used to put on book jackets: “Winner—1995 Pulitzer Prize”.  Then it became: “Nominated for the 2010 Pulitzer Prize.” Then “Short-listed for the 2012 Pulitzer Prize.” Now it’s “Long-listed for the 2014 Pulitzer Prize.” Now I have to wonder how long a long list is: 1,000 books? The poor bastards are desperate!


You upbraided me Thursday last for not visiting, but for the past year or so you’ve been busy every day! How am I supposed to deal with that?


Oh, and another thing: What would you like for Christmas? I was going to get you an electric blanket (again) but you went out and bought one.  Please give me some ideas quickly!


And thanks for the Christmas card. It was the first one to come this year and will certainly be the most insulting. But it’s on the mark: Doubtless Pierre will pee on our Christmas tree when we get it!


Take care, old thing.